Well, I was probably the type of guy asking, ‘Why not?’
On behalf of those people: forgive them for they know not what they do.
I went on to become an alcoholic. Full pelt physical dependency. Lost everything.
Now, I just have one simple answer to ‘Why not?’
It’s simply, ‘I don’t drink.’ But you’ve got to look them in their eyes and mean it. You’ve got to let them know that you’ll only say it once. Maybe blink sideways to let them know you’re not human.
I never drank much more than once a month or less, but about a year ago I decided to not drink at all. My main reason is that even though I do not have alcoholism in my family, my mental health issues make it riskier to drink. (I also restrict my caffeine intake and have never taken recreational drugs.) I also think of something that Thich Naht Hanh said to someone: that even if your drinking alcohol is not dangerous to you, it can encourage other people to drink whose risk is higher.
Thanks so much for writing this, Paul. Spot on. While I support others in identifying however they find most supportive, I do not identify as an alcoholic. I chose to stop drinking four-plus years ago in large part because alcohol is a profoundly harmful, profoundly addictive substance - to all humans. It was impacting my body-mind-spirit in ways that I no longer found acceptable. This does not make me diseased.
Brilliant, as always. I stopped drinking as an experiment and was astonished when the depths of society's expectation for us to consume alcohol revealed itself to me. Like you, I experienced the tacit accusation that I was spoiling other people's fun by choosing not to drink. Once the scales fall and you can see the grip that alcohol has on so much of our society you can't unsee it. I found that it does get better though... 18 months in and I've just enjoyed a family celebration weekend in which my not drinking wasn't commented upon.
I can see it on the 2025 PHSE syllabus! I also considered referring to it as ‘cheap ass garager forecourt flowers’ but I’m guessing you are not allowed to swear on exam papers!
Your Christmas Dinner Debacle reminded me that one of my longer breaks from alcohol was from June 2022….until my company’s Christmas dinner where a (admittedly much nicer) coworker urged me to have a glass of wine because “it’s Christmas”! Alas, I agreed and it was the start of another tiresome cycle of once a month, once a week….if you’re reading this you know how it goes.
It is incredible that we never ask someone to justify stopping smoking or stopping injecting heroin or snorting cocaine! Yet when you stop ingesting a poisonous carcinogen- you are somehow expected to justify.
The truth is that people are not judging you really - they are benchmarking themselves and is often more of a discomfort with their own journey.
Well, I was probably the type of guy asking, ‘Why not?’
On behalf of those people: forgive them for they know not what they do.
I went on to become an alcoholic. Full pelt physical dependency. Lost everything.
Now, I just have one simple answer to ‘Why not?’
It’s simply, ‘I don’t drink.’ But you’ve got to look them in their eyes and mean it. You’ve got to let them know that you’ll only say it once. Maybe blink sideways to let them know you’re not human.
I never drank much more than once a month or less, but about a year ago I decided to not drink at all. My main reason is that even though I do not have alcoholism in my family, my mental health issues make it riskier to drink. (I also restrict my caffeine intake and have never taken recreational drugs.) I also think of something that Thich Naht Hanh said to someone: that even if your drinking alcohol is not dangerous to you, it can encourage other people to drink whose risk is higher.
Thanks so much for writing this, Paul. Spot on. While I support others in identifying however they find most supportive, I do not identify as an alcoholic. I chose to stop drinking four-plus years ago in large part because alcohol is a profoundly harmful, profoundly addictive substance - to all humans. It was impacting my body-mind-spirit in ways that I no longer found acceptable. This does not make me diseased.
Brilliant, as always. I stopped drinking as an experiment and was astonished when the depths of society's expectation for us to consume alcohol revealed itself to me. Like you, I experienced the tacit accusation that I was spoiling other people's fun by choosing not to drink. Once the scales fall and you can see the grip that alcohol has on so much of our society you can't unsee it. I found that it does get better though... 18 months in and I've just enjoyed a family celebration weekend in which my not drinking wasn't commented upon.
‘Society offers dry January as a cheap apology for convincing us that drinking is beneficial’
Discuss.
Imagine if that was a high school exam paper. What a difference that might make.
I can see it on the 2025 PHSE syllabus! I also considered referring to it as ‘cheap ass garager forecourt flowers’ but I’m guessing you are not allowed to swear on exam papers!
Ohhhhh I would love to read these, and indeed write one!
Your Christmas Dinner Debacle reminded me that one of my longer breaks from alcohol was from June 2022….until my company’s Christmas dinner where a (admittedly much nicer) coworker urged me to have a glass of wine because “it’s Christmas”! Alas, I agreed and it was the start of another tiresome cycle of once a month, once a week….if you’re reading this you know how it goes.
So wonderful to read these words, soothing the souls of many a person who has had the courage to act.
It is incredible that we never ask someone to justify stopping smoking or stopping injecting heroin or snorting cocaine! Yet when you stop ingesting a poisonous carcinogen- you are somehow expected to justify.
The truth is that people are not judging you really - they are benchmarking themselves and is often more of a discomfort with their own journey.
This was incredibly well written.