Poems for Change: Any Common Desolation
The Art of Noticing: How to Survive in Life's Darkest Moments
Any Common Desolation
can be enough to make you look up
at the yellowed leaves of the apple tree, the few
that survived the rains and frost, shot
with late afternoon sun. They glow a deep
orange-gold against a blue so sheer, a single bird
would rip it like silk. You may have to break
your heart, but it isn’t nothing
to know even one moment alive. The sound
of an oar in an oarlock or a ruminant
animal tearing grass. The smell of grated ginger.
The ruby neon of the liquor store sign.
Warm socks. You remember your mother,
her precision a ceremony, as she gathered
the white cotton, slipped it over your toes,
drew up the heel, turned the cuff. A breath
can uncoil as you walk across your own muddy yard,
the big dipper pouring night down over you, and everything
you dread, all you can’t bear, dissolves
and, like a needle slipped into your vein—
that sudden rush of the world.
Copyright © 2016 by Ellen Bass in Indigo, published by Copper Canyon Press. Republished with permission of the author.
We all must learn to live with desolation. In all its forms; big and uncommon and small and commonplace. It’s desolation of the everyday kind, the ‘common desolation’ of this poem, that has us reaching for the anaesthetic of alcohol. There are opportunities aplenty for common desolation in the first year of not drinking. Common desolation is to be found when we get let down by a friend, or things don’t quite work out for us. It’s when we realise lifelong friends are becoming distant because we no longer drink, and when we feel our decision has isolated us from everything that gave life structure and meaning. Common desolation is part of the process of building a new life and identity. It’s the discomfort of trying new ways of being; saying no, asserting ourselves, or withdrawing from what threatens to push us off path. There are moments of feeling lonely, miserable, or, even worse, empty. These are the moments that lead back to drinking. We need to respect and listen to those moments, not try to Pollyanna our way through, pretending they don’t exist. But we also need a way of not getting lost in the darkness.
The counter to desolation is joy. For me, joy is a positive state that arises from being open and connected to the external world. It’s an act of noticing that resets my perception in a way that invokes wonder. The capacity for joy is like the property of luminescence. The pearl in the darkness of its closed shell still shines because it has stored its own light. This makes it possible to have positive feelings in the darkest of times. Feelings of joy and sadness are not mutually exclusive. The trick is to know that both are possible at the same time, and how to be open to the light when one feels consumed by the dark.
The good news is that psychologists, philosophers and theologians all believe we have an innate capacity for joy. And if three disciplines agree, which they rarely do, this must be true.
Sadly, this innate capacity is easily blocked. Medications, drugs, gambling, sex, pornography and food are all ways of numbing our minds to cope with common desolation. It’s not just the ‘big’ and ‘diagnosable’ addictions that serve this purpose. The way we use screens is now the biggest threat to our capacity for joy. We use them to zone out and distract ourselves from difficulty and tell ourselves this is coping. But addictions, big or small, are like varnishing a pearl, they only diminish our capacity for luminescence. Addiction driven behaviours block the channels by which the light gets through.
Addictions tarnish our hearts, making us less open to the light. But they also shield us from the dark necessary for growth. To release ourselves from addiction we may have to ‘break our hearts’ and allow the desolation in. To cope with this we need to train ourselves in the art of noticing and being present in the moment. Noticing creates conduits for joy. And joy is the balm that makes desolation more bearable.
People underestimate joy, thinking it a slight and frivolous emotion. It is true that the things that trigger a sense of joy can be very simple; the scent of a flower, birdsong, or the way two colours look next to each other. But the trigger is not the experience. Joy, done right, is neither slight nor twee. Joy is as fierce an emotion as guilt, shame or sadness. To ‘know just one moment alive’ is as intense as it gets. Anyone who has been addicted to anything knows the feeling of ‘a needle slipped into your vein – that sudden rush of the world.’ Once you have known such a rush, it’s impossible to unknow. It haunts the nervous system long after the last fix. This poem tells of another way of living with this ghost. By developing our capacity to notice we create the possibility of knowing ‘just that one moment alive.’ This rush of the world is as intense as any narcotic. But without the side effects. This is why I love this poem. I read it to be reminded that there is beauty in sadness that cannot be avoided. Reading it is itself a practice that opens up my conduits for joy.
The world offers infinite opportunities for joy which we have an innate gift to receive. We just need to learn how to get this rush without relying on alcohol, drugs or screens. It takes time. The rush of joy must be earned through learning. This requires a daily practice that develops our ability to pay attention to the world. Meditation, breathwork, gratitude, prayer and poetry are all ways of doing this. Any common desolation can derail us from the path of liberation. We can’t avoid such moments, nor is it good for us to try. This poem reminds us that we don’t need to, that we can lean into and be present with intensity, and not be overwhelmed. This is an amazing thing to know, and this poem is an amazing way to be reminded. Read it, listen to it, save it. And go support the poet that wrote it!
More information on Ellen Bass and her work…
Website: www.ellenbass.com
Any Common Desolation can be found in her collection Indigo, published in 2016 by Copper Canyon Press. You can buy a copy from Bookshop.org. Buying from Bookshop helps supports independent bookshops.