Day 23

Realising I have been running on empty for a long time...

Tired. Restless sleep worrying about things that don’t need worrying about. Reflecting on how I would have coped whilst drinking. Gradually realising that I have been running on empty for so many years - and it’s going to take a while to top myself back up. First meditation class tonight – a step towards replenishing myself.

Rather than head straight to my desk, I took my morning coffee outside and took a moment to watch the sun rise over the rooftops. I’ve never listened properly to the dawn chorus before - all at once so gentle, loud, insistent and shrill. And still so beautiful against the background thrum of the waking city. It’s so great just to be here and have this moment before I knuckle down to work.

It reminded me of one of my favourite Mary Oliver poems: Wild Geese. Read at the right moment, this poem releases something inside me that makes everything be ok.

Wild Geese

You do not have to be good.

You do not have to walk on your knees

for a hundred miles through the desert repenting.

You only have to let the soft animal of your body

love what it loves.

Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.

Meanwhile the world goes on.

Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain

are moving across the landscapes,

over the prairies and the deep trees,

the mountains and the rivers.

Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,

are heading home again.

Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,

the world offers itself to your imagination,

calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting -

over and over announcing your place

in the family of thing

Postscript: More information about Mary Oliver

Learn more about Wild Geese and Mary Olivers poetry, including the text of the poem (I’m waiting on permission to replicate it in this post) here.

Official website of Mary Oliver with links to all her books is here.