Up early and out for a walk to catch some light. I’m sat on the bench where 22 days ago I reached out for help about my drinking. I was in a wretched state - so different to how I feel today. I am very grateful.
We have a friend staying with us on a work trip. Last night they came back completely paralytic after an all-day work-related boozy lunch. He was such a state. A stop-the-cab-I’m-gonna-puke state. He required assistance to get to bed. Not pretty, but also kind of sweet and funny.
Now, of course I would never ever stoop so low as to be judgemental about his plight. I practiced curiosity about what a bloody mess he was, and simply allowed the feelings of smugness to rise and pass without getting involved in them. Gentle waves of pity breaking rhythmically on the shore of my superiority. Is it possible that I have reached Enlightenment in only 22 days of not drinking?
I will be interested to hear what he has to say about this episode. It was funny, but I don’t think I want that for myself anymore. For the first time ever, I did see the act of drinking as one of poisoning yourself. I knew this in theory of course - I’ve read the books- but today it makes a different kinds of sense to me. It’s always interested me, the difference between the states of knowing and KNOWING.
Anyhow, enough of this chat, I must speed home to luxuriate in the moral high ground!
Postscript: Interesting psychological literature relating to this post
Although I’m joking about achieving enlightenment in this diary entry, there is actually a research literature about the role of spiritual experiences and subsequent recovery. It’s complicated, there are studies showing that spiritual experiences early on in the process of removing alcohol are associated with better outcomes such less drinking or sustained abstinence. The definition of spiritual is broad and includes, but is not limited to, religious experience.
The role of spirituality in dealing with addiction is starting to recieve more mainstream scientific attention (see also here). This is a welcome addition to the field of addiction research, particularly in public health where it has been largely ignored.
Photo by Charles Betito Filho on Unsplash
Loving reading your research and thoughts around this. I also had enlightened thoughts and feelings on more than one occasion in early days. Super interesting