Day 16

My first holiday without drinking was a success. Is this the end of Alcations?

I survived my first holiday without alcohol.

Actually, I thrived.

Is this end of Alcations!

In the grand scheme of things this is no big deal. Man goes to Paris and doesn’t drink. Hardly front-page news. But it was a MASSIVE deal for me. I now know that it is possible to travel and have an amazing time without drinking. Something that seemed an impossibility is now a reality.

Yesterday I did some diary digging and found reference to a 2012 Paris trip. It was clear that even then I was struggling with the desire not to drink. In this period of my life, I was stuck at home with two teenagers going properly off-the-rails with no help or support from social or mental health services. Life was pretty extreme and bloody awful, and it felt like drinking was my only respite.

Back then there was very little support for those wanting to quit. The only real option was AA, but that felt a high-risk game. I was not ready to acknowledge that my drinking was THAT level of problematic that I needed to stop forever. Nor was I ready to accept the label of ‘alcoholic’ or submit to the kind of thinking I felt AA required of me. Nothing at all against AA - it just wasn’t/isn’t for me.

The quitlit and soberblogging revolution was just starting. Some of the early blogs were amazing; Mrs D is Going Without (Lotte Dan) and Belle Robertson. I had read Caroline Knapps ‘Drinking: A Love Story’ years earlier and this resonated deeply. I knew within years of taking my first drink that me and alcohol had a “special” bond! I still think Drinking: A Love Story is one of the most beautifully written and accurate descriptions of a certain kind of relationship with alcohol. All of these resources were amazing, but offered little in terms of the real time support I needed.

I can’t believe that I have been struggling with “thinking about drinking” for (at least) ten years. Well actually, I can! And I’m learning that it’s a depressingly familiar story! There are many more milestones to go, and I don’t know if I will make them all. But something has fundamentally changed because of reaching the end of this trip without alcohol.