Day 12
A trip to Notre-Dame offers a metaphor for rebuilding one's life without alcohol...
Day 12 - yes, I made it! So, am here in Paris - one day no booze abroad under my belt. We arrived, dumped our bags at the hotel and went walking. There were plenty of cues to drink. I was Angry, Lonely and Tired - although thankfully not Hungry, on account of all the bread and cheese!!!
Angry; because I couldn’t/wouldn’t drink and it forced me into a place of discomfort that I could not seem to shake off.
Lonely; because I am alone in this journey - I know this is self-imposed, but I can’t cope with other people’s opinions right now. However, at least I have my online group in my pocket!
Tired; I realise that I have been pushing myself so hard; getting up between 4 and 5 a.m. to start work, pulling 12/13 hour days, and trying to fit in 1-2 hours of exercise. On top of that I seem to have lots of back pain at the moment, which is exhausting.
I did experience real mad bad pangs of desire when seeing people drink on the cafe terraces. At one point we were walking past a bar and a waitress walked by with four glasses of beer on a tray. I actually groaned out loud with frustrated desire when I saw them! My partner was like “What was that! Are you ok?!” I told him it was a back twinge! There was no thought to this, just a howl from the bottom of my addicted soul! Perhaps it’s the sound of addiction leaving the body. This does feel like some medieval form of possession!
Anyhow, we ate in the hotel and got a REALLY early night. Which I was grateful for.
We visited Notre Damme, which is being rebuilt after the fire. It was very sad to see the damage caused, but also uplifting to see the passion and dedication of efforts to repair it. It’s a crass and laboured metaphor, but it is impossible not to see similarities between the this and the process of giving up drink. I feel like the fire of alcohol caught hold and consumed my life. The process of reconstruction is slow and painstaking work that can’t be rushed. But hopefully it will be worth it.
So, todays picture is of the new beams that have been put into support the damaged walls until they are ready to be independently magnificent again – basically, my group!